How to live?
About 32 years ago I had the time of my life. I was a high school student before entering PNUE. My family was poor so that my mother asked me not to go to the college but to work for my family. My mother had lost her husband, my father, and had to take care of 3 daughters and 2 sons by herself. I didn’t say anything because I understood how her mind was suffering for me.
I just wished that I would have studied more and been something special.
So I decided to say ‘Yes’ to her, but I tried to find another way.
I didn’t believe in god, but I couldn’t help myself from praying for what I really wanted.
I wasn’t certain that I passed the entrance exam . But I applied anyway.
The day when we could look at the list of names passed exam, my heart was beating quickly so much.
In front of the board, I was out of breath and didn’t believe my eyes.
There was my name on there! And then some worries watered up to me. What should I do after ? After listening to the story, my relatives and neighbors helped me in many ways with their own money. My mother and I felt so happy. We were not alone!
For a while, I had spent my school life talking a lot with my buddy and working part time jobs. I could be afford enough for me, even if I could help my family too.
My time was perfect, I forgot all about god and pray. But he had not forgotten me at all!
One day I had thought seriously who am I as same as general young man has questioned.
I read many books of philosophy and novels and talked with my friends about that. No where the answer what I want. If I knew who I am, I could have known how to live.
Would I be a piece of nature? Then, what is the nature? What does it start from? so on......
If I were a piece of it , What is the worth of mine? Nothing? I awore at that time it doesn’t matter if I would be dead earlier or late. So I often felt useless continued living. I fell in pessimism. As for me, living seemed just only likely to die as words of a philosopher.
After that days, I met a senior, teacher also minister. She was very stable and clear. I wondered how she is. She suggested me to study in her bible group. I accepted it. Everything in the bible was so strange.But in my mind, there was in piece! It was strange, too. It was my turning point in my life.
Finally I recognised who I am, I am beloved a person of God. If I prayed, he always responsed for me. How do I know? Yes, I can say now. If you accept him and pray, you also do experience. It’s not science, scholastic things and superstition. It’s the fact that I experienced.
Now, I’m trying to live along the Bible’s lesson. Through the reading, meditation of daily words, I want to change my mind, my life style, treatment for others better. Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected, but I press on that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us be of the same mind -Philippians 3:12, 16 -
That is how I live now.